Horner's Syndrome

**The following post has some terrible post-exercise photos of me! You have been warned!**

I remember the day well. A group of ladies was playing indoor soccer in 2009 and a conversation like this happened: 

Friend: Are you okay?

Me: Yeah, why? I mean I'm tired from soccer.

Friend: You look like you're having a stroke!

Me: What?! 

My face had split right down the middle. Red on one side, white on the other. I went home and went to Dr. Google to see what this meant. My research (aka one search and a couple of web sites) said not to worry, that this was my normal and if I felt dizzy when I exercised to sit down. 

I accepted that this was my new normal. Those that played sports with me came to the point where they didn't even recognize it, or at least ignored it. 

Fast forward to 2015- 6 years later...

A new friend had recently returned with her sweet baby girl. Kate and I were bringing some baby stuff to them and we were visiting in her living room. By "new" friend I mean we hadn't really talked much and didn't really know one another. She said," I'm sorry, this might sound like a weird question, but are you pupils two different sizes?" I was totally caught off guard... I had no idea. Honestly who spends that much time looking at their own pupils to determine the size. 

The same friend a few weeks later came up after an outdoor soccer game to say hi to the players from both teams. I walked up to say hi to her and her little one and she saw my face. I just played it off because what was normal for me and those around me was new for her. It was a quick conversation, which continued the next time I saw her. She kindly pulled me aside and said she was concerned. Her background is in nursing and they were concerned that their baby girl had the same thing when she was born. She said you might have Horner's Syndrome ( this means there is something that is pressing on the sympathetic nerve running from your brain to the top of your lungs, which causes these involuntary symptom). So she knew the symptoms to look for- a droopy eyelid, different sized pupils, split colored face, and lack of sweat when exercising. She recommended I go to visit the doctor for expats. After that visit it was suggested we go to a great hospital in Jakarta for a MRI and various tests to determine the cause.  Horner's Syndrome is rare. 

After an MRI, which scanned my brain, neck and chest, an x-ray, a visit to an ear/nose/throat specialist, and a visit to the eye doctor it was determined that while they all agreed something was going on they were unable to determine the cause. Major concerns like cancer or stroke were ruled out. So I had a mix of emotions- thankful it was nothing serious, but disappointed there were not more clear results. Second opinions believe the issue is located along my neck, but is nothing to worry about right now. When we are around a lab with better capabilities she recommended I have a cancer panel completed. Our local expat doctor is confident there is no cancer, and it would have been recognized with all the tests. 

So here we are. We continue to live and serve in Papua, knowing that health is precious. Horner's Syndrome is not effecting my life. We just now have a word for all these things. Now these things make more sense, but on the other hand, we aren't sure of the cause. 

Thank you for those of you who prayed for me. It's weird knowing something is happening, but doctors and tests can't pinpoint it. I rest knowing that God knows my body in and out- He formed me and none of this is a shock to Him. 

Masters Degree Journey

We returned to Papua in March after our "baby-lough" with a 4 month baby girl. We still had no idea what we were doing or how to raise a little one, but at least we were in *our* place and could fall into a better routine. 

In the past I had often explored options of completing a Master's Degree but it never seemed like the right time. There were some specific criteria that had to be met for me to even consider. It needed to be affordable and all online. Many courses are not affordable and students must appear on campus a couple times throughout the course. So at the various times I was looking, only a few courses were completely online but were expensive. 

One day I was looking around for options for online Master's degree and was directed to the University of Texas in Arlington's website. This was it- affordable, shorter than the average course, and 100% online. Perfect! I began the application process the week before we returned and was accepted to enroll in the upcoming courses. My first class was in May 2014. 

Each class was an intense 5 weeks with multiple assignments due each week. You had to be organized and stay on top of things, often looking ahead to get a jump start on future assignments. In between each class was a week break- a time for your brain to rest! The overarching project was not a thesis but an action research paper. The researcher is active in gathering data and answering a specific question. My topic was does gender attitude impact mathematical achievement. Basically I was exploring the stereotype "math is for males, and reading is for girls". So even though the massive paper was not due until the very last week of the entire course, I still spent a large amount of time gathering research and analyzing data during the course of the project. One optional part of the paper was a dedication page where you could say thanks. At that point anything that was optional was scrapped- I just wanted to get it done and be done with it! 

So I'll take my time here to dedicate my paper/project. It would have been written something like this: 

First and foremost I want to thank God for allowing me to complete this Master's degree in Curriculum and Development in Mathematics. Attempting to complete a 100% online tertiary degree while living in a third world country with an extremely unreliable internet connection seems insane after examining the past 18 months. I know that it was the Lord's grace that the internet connection held steady throughout the majority of the course. It was His perfect timing that the moment the entire province lost access to the internet, due to a shark biting the fiber optic cable,  was during my longest break from school and that it would be repaired to a trickle the day my next class started. It was His grace that gave me productivity each time I sat to write or research during a nap time. It was His provision that provided a person willing to hand-carry a last minute textbook needed to complete work for a course. It was also through His provision that all our financial needs were met during a time of extra spending while living on a conservative budget. 

I also am forever grateful to my wonderful husband, Josh. His sacrifice and love for me was evident with every measure of grace extended to me throughout the past 18 months. Josh was my strongest supporter who cheered me on when I felt like I could quit. He prayed for me when I complained and cried, which gave me the mental strength to press on. What a beautiful example of a servant's heart Josh has been to me during this time. Thank you, Josh, I love you! 

Many friends and colleagues came alongside me during this course. Thank you to the teachers who allowed me access to their classrooms to conduct lessons and gather research. Thank you to the students who answered honestly and gave genuine feedback which gave great research. None of this could have been easily or sanely done without the help of dear friends who gladly watched my daughter, so I could spend hours chipping away to complete the work. You willingness to show me love by babysitting means more to me than I could ever say. Thank you. 

That's what I would have said. 

I completed and submitted the final assignment at the end of October. It felt great to push submit and be done with it. I took a much needed break from the computer and spent more time doing other things. We celebrated by taking a family vacation to Bali, where my dad met us there and then returned to Papua with us for two weeks. It was a great time of refreshing, which was so needed! 

The graduation ceremony is happening on December 17, and while I won't be walking across the stage to accept my diploma, I will be opening up a precious can of Dr.Pepper and celebrating with my family!